The Sovereign Queen
I was recently inspired by the book “The Queen of Myself: Stepping Into Sovereinity In Midlife” by Donna Henes.
This book posits that, because we now live longer, the traditional archetypes for the arc of a woman’s life, Maiden, Mother, Crone, are no longer sufficient. She proposes that the progression is Maiden, Mother, Queen, Crone.
The context of being a Queen has been very helpful to me. After completing 30 years of Extreme Parenting (with a special needs child), I was finally complete with mothering. In my early 60’s, I’m not quite old enough to be a crone yet and feel that I have not earned the wisdom for that designation. I am, however, a young Queen.
I have learned much about Life and how to get through it, intact and even triumphant at times. I’ve gained enough wisdom and maturity to see through a lot of pretense, marketing, good intentions and BS. Finally, gloriously, I can focus on myself as the primary priority.
Though I have advocated for self care for decades, I am learning how to do it at a new order of magnitude. It takes practice and weaving together new awarenesses and behaviors. It fascinates me that I must pay attention continually when I thought I would sort of naturally slide into it.
What is the job of a Queen? I love the use of the word “sovereignty.”
To me, this is the benign, yet powerful care and nurturing of all that is in my Queendom. It’s responsibility without the crazy, driven, relentless management of all that consumed my world for decades.
It is an elevation of awareness to distinguish between what is essential for my focus and followthrough and what is not. I have more time, space and understanding, from which I make all choices.
Careful consideration is given to all major choices. Who gets to be in my world? What and who do I support? Who and what is there to let go of? As always, am I on track for my highest mission and good?
Now that about two thirds of my life has been lived, I am asking different questions. I am also proactively creating the next phase, which is not what I ever imagined it would be. The world is in a new place and so am I.
There is a quiet confidence and sureness that I have *earned* by handling thousands of challenges.
I trust myself to find my way through anything (and I do mean, anything!). I know that pain, betrayal and disappointment will come along again. I also know that it is purposeful and I will put it to use by learning from it.
I have been supporting friends and clients through their transitions into Queens. It requires us to step into unknown territory.
I find, though, that we do not have the same soul-gripping fears that we battled earlier on. Though fear shows up, it doesn’t take much to recall that we have slayed many dragons along the way (I couldn’t resist pulling this one in!).
Though the Unknown is still ahead, we have added many tools in our Tool Box. Scars, literal and figurative, show that we have fought and lived. We know a lot about a lot of things. We have memories that inform ourselves and those around us.
I saw a post on Facebook recently that says, “There are still good women around, however our stomachs aren’t flat and we talk back.” We are sassy! We are opinionated! We speak up! We are also tender, kind hearted and vulnerable. We have had a wide spectrum of life experiences. We have learned to carry on, no matter what.
If this sounds like who and where you are, there are two things I want you to know.
First, keep your own counsel. As the Queen, you are the ruler who chooses, to the best of your ability, in all that is in your jurisdiction. This is your sacred duty to yourself and those who are impacted by you.
Second, get support. Find trustworthy allies. Support them and invite them to support you. Many choices will be yours alone, yet it can be worthwhile to listen to different perspectives and consider the varied input. This is how we continue to grow and move toward our Crone phase of Life.
I highly recommend reading the book that inspired this. Find your Sister Queens. Talk amongst yourselves. Contact me if I can help you at any point on your journey. Now Carry On and Kick Butt! The world needs you!